Rounding it up

Can it really be the end of 2007? It's hard to believe that just a year ago I moved to NJ after living in the same apartment in Glenside, PA for 9 years. The change in scenery and surroundings has completely turned my life around.

This calls for a list. The top 5 highlights of 2007 (in no particular order)
Note that technically, I moved to Collingswood in 2006, so the move itself doesn't exactly qualify.

1. Two Fantastic Friends
My newest friend Elizabeth and I were introduced late last winter by a mutual friend, and immediately felt like we had known each other for years. She's the kind of friend you can talk to about anything. Hours go by during our chat-fests, and I treasure every moment. Alison has been a friend for many years, but since my move to Collingswood we have bonded like sisters. 2007 simply wouldn't have been the banner year it was without her loving friendship.

2. Rock Climbing
It was something I had always wanted to try. And watching Bear Grylls do it on Discovery inspired me that much more. I'll never EVER forget my first trip up a rock face, with the circulation in my toes cutting off from the tight shoes, the comforting feeling of resistance in the belay rope, and the unexpected ease I felt nearly three stories up. It was beyond exhilarating. And I'll amend this entry by adding my first whitewater rafting excursion—another thing I always wanted to try, and finally found the motivation to do.

3. Cooper River Walks
I couldn't count the number of times I have visited the path surrounding the Cooper River. It's a mere three blocks from my place, and about a 4-mile loop around. I've used it to sweat, to think, to breathe, and to enjoy the view. I've seen egrets, scullers, sailors and sunsets. I've walked it jogged it, ran it and sat on the banks of it. I've photographed it too. Sometimes I go it alone, and sometimes Alison and her dog Neemo join me. With them it's more about talking—and sometimes swimming for Neemo—than walking ... but no matter the circumstance, it's always good. Beyond good.

4. Gatherings at My Place
In the 9 years I lived in Glenside, I could probably count on one hand the number of times I entertained more than 1-2 people at a time. In the year I've been in Collingswood, there's no doubt I've already surpassed that number, or even doubled it. It started on move-in day. There were at least 6 of us in a caravan from Glenside to Cwood, and after unloading everything, we stood around my new kitchen eating pizza and drinking beer... and suddenly I realized that this group of friends from all walks of my life were meeting for the first time and enjoying each other! Since then I've thrown several parties, had impromptu dinner gatherings, hosted 2 clothes swaps, and even sat 7 for Thanksgiving dinner! It's such a good feeling every time people gather here.

5. I'm Really a Jewelry Designer
Since I was a little kid, jewelry has fascinated me. My first earring designs were made from tape recorder parts when I was about eight years old. I've made lots of jewelry since then, but this year was my most creatively inspired year ever. Not only did I begin to develop a cohesive line of designs, but out of nowhere, a local gallery sought me out and invited me to show my work there. So between the gallery, launching my etsy shop and excellent friend/co-worker sales, I have suddenly found myself in the midst of having my own small business! I'm proud of what I've made, and I can't wait to see what I make next.

Items that almost made the list:
My fabulous porch, visiting the roof of the Kimmel Center, getting my tarot cards read, discovering the Discovery Channel, Perkins Art Center, and turning 40 (and the everlasting party that came with it).

2007 has rocked. So much has changed and improved for me this year. I have a few goals and aspirations for 2008, including lots more of all of the above, plus learning yoga, returning to Greece, canceling my online dating subscription for good, and quitting my 3-cigarette-per-day habit. CHEERS!!!

More than just ice cream

After a wonderful dinner with an old friend tonight, we met up with another good friend for dessert. The three of us don't get to spend much time together these days. Work, relationships, life ... they all get in the way. So time together is precious, and we never squander a millisecond. We savor it like home made ice cream.

After we ordered -- chocolate with sprinkles for one, butter pecan with chocolate sauce for the other, and peanut butter for me -- we hashed out the issues of the moment. No stones left unturned, no mishigoss taboo. It all poured out over ice cream.

Nuggets of life's mysterious wisdom come out of such conversations, like beacons or light bulbs ... pathways to clearer thinking. I treasure those nuggets (and the friends who inspire them) like gold.

My belly is full, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Put up a parking lot

A friend of mine and I were at the beach last weekend. It was Labor Day, so nearly everyone else in the Philadelphia region was at the beach with us. The weather was glorious, the water perfection. I couldn't wait to get to the boardwalk, though, to savor summer's last taste of my favorite confection: Kohr Brothers frozen peanut butter custard with chocolate sprinkles.

There's a Kohr Brothers on the Ocean City, NJ boardwalk at 10th Street. So we started looking for parking at around 6th. We drove all the way to 13th and back through to 2nd Street more than times than I care to admit, and everywhere we looked, someone else was pulling into a spot. But could we find one? Not on our custard-starved souls.

Finally, I pulled up behind one of the amusement park back entrances at 10th Street, put my flashers on, and we took turns running up to Kohrs while the other stayed with the car. It was surprisingly easy and went off without a hitch. We even got bold and drove up to 13th for Johnson's caramel corn. Again, easy as pie, very satisfying. And though part of me had hoped for a boardwalk stroll, our stealth maneuvers protected us from what could have been a chaotically annoying end to our lovely, serene day. The Ocean City boardwalk (especially on Labor Day weekend) is nothing short of a mob scene.

All of this struck me, several days later, as an apt metaphor for my life. I say I want the full experience -- chaos and all -- and I go about the chase of finding my place from which to launch the adventure, but I'm always one step behind everyone else. I watch the rest of the world secure their spots just before I get there, and there's nothing left over for me. Meanwhile, part of me feels like it's just as well, because somewhere in the back of my mind, all I really want is to grab an illicit, temporary spot from which to get the minimum, immediate satisfaction. Then I'm gone. No commitment to a lengthy stay required.

Dammit! I want to be ready to build a parking lot of my very own. A safe, secure place from which to launch any and all adventures life brings. A home base where my car will always have its spot. My tool belt is loaded with the appropriate stuff, and the bulldozer has leveled the ground. But it's a gravel pit until the right person comes along with the pavers to smooth the way.

20 years?!

There were only 48 kids in my high school class. Very small, very insular school. Which was good and bad. Good because it provided a sense of groundedness. It was a strong, solid community. Bad because it was so small, everyone knew everything about everyone. And if you started there in kindergarten, your social place was set in stone from then on. It was nearly impossible (or at least extremely daring) to reinvent yourself or try anything (or anyone) new. If, God forbid, you transfered in later (especially post-junior high), everyone immediately defined you by the first person you happened to stand next to in the hall. It could take years to undo any unwanted associations and create your desired social niche. And by then everyone was off to college.

What a challenge. I loved it.

Next weekend is my 20-year reunion. Well, technically, 21 years, but our class couldn't get it together last year to organize a party, so we hitched onto the class of '87. We're such slackers. They're not much better, considering that the party will be at the local dive bar where we all went to get served underage back in the day!

I'm nervous to see everyone. Mostly because I know they'll all be wondering why I haven't gotten married and had kids like the rest of them. I guess I wonder that too ... but I trust that my life has gone its own path, and with no regrets, I've enjoyed most of it. No complaints. Besides, I've always done things my own way rather than following the crowd, so it's probably what everyone expects of me! That was, after all, my place in the social schema.

What everyone expects shouldn't matter anyway, right? But reunions bring that out in the best of us.

The Breners

I grew up across the street from Art and Linda Brener. Theirs was the coolest house on the block as far as I was concerned. They had all this really great art that, as a kid, I didn't understand, but couldn't stop looking at. Every time I went to their house to play, I was always much more focused on the things on their walls and shelves. And the fact that some of it was actually signed by them, well, that just astounded me beyond comprehension.

You mean someone who lives here, in this little town where I live, is actually a real artist?! Impossible. No, possible!

Art (or Buzz as his wife called him) and Linda Brener (always Mr. and Mrs. Brener to me) encouraged me without words to become an artist. They inspired me without even trying. I remember everything about that house on Mather Road. The way the spherical spindles on their modern, metal-framed couch could screw off; the fake flower held by the knight statue at the foot of their stairs; the Jasper Johns painting in their living room; the jade and bonsai plants on the dining room window sill; the massive collection of family photos on top of their black upright piano; the way I felt when they bought one of my raku sculptures my senior year of college!

The Breners are special people. I hadn't seen them in years, and then the other night I was out to dinner with friends and there they were. Even without my glasses on, I spotted Mr. Brener from way across the room. I couldn't get up fast enough, and my legs were much too slow to take me there! They moved to NJ to be closer to their daughter and grand kids, and are now practically neighbors again after all these years.

The painting in the photo is by Linda Brener, and I have to thank my childhood friend Betsy for giving it to me. I treasure it. In fact, it hangs directly above my computer and I look at it every day. Good, good people, the Breners. I look forward to getting reacquainted after all these years.

Notes from July 10

1. Made it to CT in 3 hours flat. A new record.

2. My friend's husband backed into my car this morning on his way to work, and cracked my rear bumper. It needs to be replaced, but it's really no biggie. They are in a state about it.

3. Am almost definitely going to Greece next June. Woo hoo! My Athenean friend Poly and I have agreed to make a serious plan since she just moved into her own apartment. The last time I was there, the city was a mess. Since then, they cleaned it up for the Olympics.

4. The match.com guy I met just before leaving officially wants to go out again. Trouble is, he has boundary issues. On our first date he revealed that his first wife accused him and his sister of incest and picked fist fights, his former fiance stole his Xanax and then cheated on him, and his most recent girlfriend has money/credit trouble. If I go out with him again, what does it say about me?? Does it show my open-mindedness, my non-judgmentalness? That I can refrain from assuming that this guy is just a bad relationship waiting to happen and that people can change their patterns? Or does it show that I, myself, am moving from one set of bad dating patterns to being open to a whole myriad of new bad dating patterns??

5. Thankfully, I have been corresponding with a new guy on match who seems great. He's a rock climber, so now that I'm about to embark on my first climb, we'll have something cool in common. But it sort of brings to mind that scene from "Singles" where the woman buys a bike and all kinds of gear to impress her cyclist first-date and nearly kills herself riding to meet him. He ends up with her roommate anyway.

6. I taught my friend's eight year old the word crap yesterday. Didn't mean to. Told him not to tell his mom, which he promptly did. Apparently she had previously instructed him to tell her anything anyone ever said to him that included the phrase, "don't tell your mother." That Aunt Ev is such a bad influence.

Checking in from MA

Well, I'm currently on #3 on my vacation destination list: Salisbury, MA visiting friends. It's gorgeous here. I'm bruised and sore from the rock climb, so today's R&R on the beach was exactly what the doctor ordered. I have so much to write about, but that will have to wait until I'm home and back to normal.

I feel so relaxed and am truly "on vacation" in the most traditional sense. No thoughts about work, completely off any routine, and truly going with the flow of no schedule. It's divinely refreshing. And I still have another week of freedom remaining!

Gone Climbing

Well, today's the day I set off on my vacation. I've taken two full weeks off of work—something I'm not sure I've ever done before! There will be four distinct parts to my time off, all of which I'm very much looking forward to:

1. Visiting my oldest friend and her family in CT
2. Rock climbing in NH
3. Exploring the MA coast with Philly friends whose parents live there
4. Volunteering for the WXPN music festival on the Camden, NJ waterfront

The rock climb is the nucleus of the whole thing, of course. I can't wait to test my endurance, push my fears, challenge my feet, meet new people and try something I've always been curious about. Bear Grylls on Man vs. Wild always makes it look so easy! I expect to have a new respect for his climbing skills after my comparatively tame experience.

Party Highlights

When I turned 40, I wanted to throw an outdoor party. But April is no time for outdoor parties! So I threw it yesterday, on what turned out to be the most gorgeous day of the summer, at my folks' place in Intercourse, PA. Here is a list of some highlights:

1. The Locale:
Dad and Joan worked their tails off for the past two-plus weeks to get their already gorgeous yard looking tip-top. They succeeded in spades. BRAVO to the perfect party place! And yes, jokes about the town's infamous name came up several times. Ask Brian.

2. Bocce Ball:
We all know R.J. can throw a ball with superhero velocity, but NOW we know what a bocce ball looks like when it's shattered! Kyle, meanwhile, was the unexpected master of the game.

3. Hackey Sak:
Always my favorite, even better with family.

4. The Chair:
Francoise and Lamar never cease to amaze me. The chair they brought (though no gifts were expected, considering that this was not really a birthday party) left me speechless and thrilled. It's gorgeous and has already found a happy home in my livingroom, not far from its cousins in the dining room. THANK YOU.

5. The Pooch Party within the Party:
Hosts Beau and Gwenyth showed their canine visitors a great time. Neemo, Tucker, Jake and Louie were gracious guests (at least as long as there were no frisbees in sight!). They sniffed, chewed, barked, marked, ran, begged and licked ... then fell in love with Joan who fed them hot dogs and turkey jerkey. Doggie Nirvana.

6. The Food:
R.J. is now officially crowned King of the Taylor/Scache BBQ. Great job! And thank you to everyone for bringing such delicious eats. Everything was outstanding.

7. The Kids:
Kyle, Jack, Hannah, Cooper, Gretchen, Sophie and Lulu. The party simply wouldn't have been the same without the kids! An especially precious moment was when Lulu asked for more chips. I sent her over to Brian for them, and she proceeded to call the chips "Brians" for the rest of the night. "I want more Brians!" Don't we all??

8. Friends:
I've known Kate since kindergarten, Kim since 3rd grade, Susie since college, Francoise since my days in Doylestown, Sacha since just after grad school, Meghan since the Kimmel Center, and Alison, though I've known her some 8 years, have only really gotten to know her as a "true peep" for the past year or so. That's a nearly 40-year span of wonderful friends. I'm unbelievably fortunate, and so very thankful for all of you!

9. The Overnighters:
Sacha, Brian, Alison, Gavin, Neemo and Jake rocked the gazebo/tent, braving the wilds of Amish country -- no small feat for city folk! It made the party last into the next day (including an off-the-charts breakfast at the local diner), and for that I'm eternally grateful.

10. The Hosts:
Dad and Joan, I can't thank you enough for everything. Not only was the setting perfect, but you both made it so much more fun. You are terrific hosts. Your energy, enthusiasm, humor, generosity and warmth touched every facet of the festivities. And you even got a port-a-potty! Kudos, love and hugs.

Well, that about does it! Please post your comments and additions to the list ... and thanks again for coming. It was a great, great day.

match firsts

For the first time in my many (embarrassingly many) years off and on match.com, I'm corresponding with someone who turned out to be the friend of a friend. And a one-time fairly good friend. They haven't hung out in years, but still, it's nice to know that someone I love and trust has the skinny on my latest yet-to-be-met romantic prospect.

The other first for me is that I'm not frantically checking my match messages 100 times a day. I can honestly say that for as much as I'm very ready for love, I don't feel desperate! That's an even better first that the first one.

It also helps that my friend Alison keeps reminding me that:

1. I'm interviewing THEM, not the other way around
2. My healthy attitude is going to pay off in spades

These Alison-isms pull me through when the chips are down and I forget that I'm not desperate. Thank goodness!

Potential Parents

Below find an email exchange between two close friends and me today, after one of them sent along photos of an acquaintence's newborn. Isn't it interesting how our thoughts and views on pregnancy evolve over time? I, for one, never thought I'd doubt wanting to have a baby. But these days, it's all so unclear...

Lilly:
seriously cute baby (presumably c-section) with a seriously cute name [Sam].

Me:
Cute family. Why c-section??

Sacha:
These days, the attitude seems to be: why not a c-section. Very scary.... but I hope all was okay with the mommy and that the c-section was needed....

Lilly:
I'm just saying maybe because he's so perfect looking and usually the ones that are born vaginally get those squished heads from the trip down the birth canal.

Sacha:
Sometimes I think I really want a baby. But most of the time not. But today, yes. But then only because it would give me something else to think about other than myself and the state of the world.

Lilly:
Sometimes I think I want to be pregnant and have a baby more than I think I want to raise a baby.

Sacha:
Oh Man! When I was around 16 and someone asked if I wanted kids ever I said just that: I want to be pregnant more than have a kid. IF you give a kid up for adoption, do you get money? Know where I'm headed with this?

Lilly:
Being a surrogate in my limited understanding VERY lucrative. And I don't think I could bear to give it away, unless maybe to people I knew who would relate to me as an aunt. Maybe I couldn't handle that either. I think I want to be like the traditional dad who isn't in charge but gets to pitch in whenever it suits him.

Sacha:
Hmmm...I might be able to give the kid away...How lucrative are we talking?

Me:
So with you both on all this. Desperately want the big belly and full boobs and lucious, ripe pregnancy ... but am feeling way too self-centered to raise a kid the older I get. But couldn't give it away. No chance.

Sacha:
I always love the idea of eating for two. Not to eat twice as much but to put lots of time and love into what I'm eating and knowing it's for a little-boobula. But truth is, after hearing about pregnancy up close and personal not sure anymore. All the farting and peeing and not sleeping and then the fucking labor....

Lilly:
I'm in it for all the pregnancy--presuming nothing goes horribly wrong. Am biased because the women in my family have generally had easy pregnancies and births, so I have a false sense of security.

If only being self-absorbed gave other potential parents pause...

Paint your own toes

Did you ever get a bad pedicure? I've only ever had two professional pedicures in my whole life. The first one was exquisite -- complete with a leg massage, exfoliation and pristine polish. It was years ago (I don't let people touch my feet very often), administered by a friend of my stepmother's. Bravo Janet!

The second one was, you guessed it, bad. I got it here in Collingswood at a fancy salon which will remain nameless. The guy who gave it to me nearly scalded me with the water in the tub, then scrubbed my feet raw (do you really need excessive exfoliation on the tops of your feet??), and finally, with his shakey hands, managed to get polish not only on my toenails, but all over my toes as well. I even found spots of polish on the soles of my feet when I got home.

My friends had a laugh, calling me "clown feet" during our trip to get ice cream afterward ... which was really the only up-side to the whole experience. We'll probably laugh about it for years to come. For that it was worth it.

It took about 15 minutes and several polish-remover-soaked q-tips to make my feet fit for public viewing. Next time I'll just paint my own damn toes.

By the way, I'm refraining from posting a photo because I've learned that foot photos attract fans I'd rather not have.

Changing the Chi

Ever since moving to Collingswood, I've had the opportunity to blur the often-too-well-defined lines of my life by bringing a variety of friends together. It has been a revelation. In fact, it should have been on my "top 5" for why I love Cwood so much! I get to see all these new, wonderful sides to the people in my life through the eyes of the other people in my life.

Tonight, I had three of my dearest friends over for a walk and take-out. Two of them know each other very well, but the third had only heard about the others, and vice versa. I wasn't nervous about their liking each other or getting along ... but you just never know how such meetings will go.

After dinner, I excused myself from the dining room to have a smoke on the porch. I sat there gleefully listening to the three of them interact—their voices raising and lowering, their laughter bellowing, and the ice cream dishing. It warmed my heart!

As they were getting ready to leave, I looked at the mound of dirty dishes in the sink not as a chore, but as a happy remnant of a successful party. As I cleaned up, the sounds of the festivities replayed in my head.

My new apartment and I love bringing friends together. To quote one, "it changes the chi in the room." Yes, it sure does!